I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

199. Autonomy or Allonomy

Autonomy or Allonomy

In entry 185 I explained the importance of sharing the same commitment governance.   When the two partners of a committed, devoted and bonded couple agree on the same governance, this is an expression of a compatible personality.    That means, that while they are a unit as a couple, they have mental and emotional autonomy from the surrounding society.    They define their relationship by their own needs and attitudes and do not let it be defined by others as would be in allonomy.   

Marriage and divorce are two good examples.  

The allonomous definition of marriage means, that it is installed by the two partners and an institution of society, either religious or administrative.     
The allonomous definition of divorce means, that an institution of society allows the couple to be legally free again.  
Marriage lasts from the ceremony until the declaration of divorce.

By the autonomous definition, marriage starts with the symbolic act of beginning physical intimacy and it lasts until the partners end all contact, which is the autonomous divorce.  
In this definition, there cannot be the question of having physical intimacy before marriage, because physical intimacy automatically is marriage.    This physical marriage is irreversible and cannot be undone, even if it has only be practiced once.   Platonic friendship and having entered physical marriage at any time in the past are mutually exclusive, because platonic friendship by its correct definition means the absence of physical intimacy and not the deactivation of it.    Alleged platonic friendship with alleged exes is polygyny.    By this definition, someone can logically only be in one of two situations:  Either the person is married or he is chaste by not having any physical contact with any woman.   

Of course, this autonomous definition is my personal definition.   The vast majority is guided by the allonomous definition.  
I have been called a prude because of my personal autonomous definition.    Being called a prude by those instinct driven promiscuous animals, whom I despise, were for me a title of honor, would I even value their opinion.   

But I am looking for my mindmate, who shares my autonomous definition of marriage and divorce, for whom this definition is part of his personal commitment governance.