I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

219. Correlation of Dominance, Promiscuity and Immaturity

219.  Correlation of Dominance, Promiscuity and Immaturity

I assume, that male dominance over women, promiscuity and immaturity are correlated.   Therefore also the male ability to be an egalitarian committed partner is correlated with maturity and the intact promiscuity inhibition.  

This is a follow-up to entries 101, 104, 108 and 109 about promiscuity, entries 213 and 214 about domination and entry 113 about bonding disability.

1.   The non-promiscuous man gets bonded to his partner by the symbolic and meaningful act of entering physical intimacy as an addition to emotional and intellectual intimacy.   Non-promiscuous means, he experiences this as a special event and feels bonded and attached from then on.    Feeling bonded includes non-selfish caring love, which means automatically equality.  It is mutually exclusive with domination and exploitation.    Feeling bonded, he also wants to stay together and not jeopardize the relationship by harming his partner.    Maturity enables him to know, that only a fair balance between giving and receiving leads to a viable and lasting relationship.

2.   The promiscuous man cannot get bonded, because the promiscuous routine of using any haphazard female body as a toilet and forgetting her in a jiffy has destroyed once and forever his ability to experience the mental connection between physical intimacy and commitment.  
A promiscuous man can get infatuated with a woman's body to the extend, that he wants to secure its long-term use.   For this purpose, he even marries her.   But that does not create the emotional bond of unselfish caring love.    He is married or extrinsically committed (entry 98) to her for the selfish purpose of getting his own needs, wishes and whims out of her.    Domination and exploitation are logically the most successful method to acquire his privileges and advantages.    Being promiscuous, it is logical to discard and replace her, as soon as he no longer gets enough advantages out of her.   Therefore he has no reason to treat her well to make the relationship last.   An unmarried non-bonded man is prone to dump, a married non-bonded man is prone to cheat.   He is selfish and dominant, because he is immature.   

In entry 113 I described the bonding disability as a consequence of immaturity.   But promiscuity is not independent of immaturity.    Those men, who desensitize themselves to become promiscuous by emotionally detaching the use of a woman's body from perceiving the existence of a person inside the body, usually do this during puberty and young adulthood.   It happens at that age, when their sex drive is the highest, while they are still too immature to be aware of the resulting psychological damage.         

If such a man stays immature, he will never be able to feel bonded.   He will remain one of those men dominating women as described above.

But if he grows into maturity, if he rationally understands that meaning of a committed relationship, but his ability to automatically feel a bond by entering physical intimacy has been destroyed, for such a man it is very difficult to get bonded.      
If he is already in a relationship, where he dominates a woman, with whose body he is infatuated, then there is the possibility, that as a part of maturation, he slowly grows into feeling emotional and intellectual intimacy and a more caring love, while his domination will be gradually reduced.    He may develop a bond even though physical intimacy is disconnected from it.   This bond can become strong enough to motivate him to stay on and treat the woman with decency, once the infatuation has faded.    It can happen.  

If he is not in a relationship, the situation is more difficult.    Even with the best intentions to get committed, as soon as he enters physical intimacy, emotionally he falls back into the psychological rut of the promiscuous perception of temporarily controlling a body, that is just a utility.    The only remedy for him is to be for a considerable time under circumstances, which force him into close platonic contact with a woman, while the use of her body without a bond is impeded and postponed.     For example they could be colleagues during a scientific field trip, working together but living in a camp with little privacy, slowly developing intellectual and emotional intimacy as a result of the shared work.    When they finally also get physically involved, they already have such a strong mental bond, that his inability to feel bonded by the physical intimacy cannot diminish the bond.   
I already called promiscuity a scourge of humanity.   It really is.   It damages the men's psyche, while they themselves are not even aware of their emotional disability.  The men are inflicted with this abomination, but they themselves do not suffer, instead they make the women suffer as their proxies.   The men's inbuilt capacity for domination makes the suffering of the victims more horrific.