I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

212. Situational Power and Dominance

Situational Power and Dominance

Situational power is an important factor enhancing and enabling domination.    The one, who wants to do something, that he can do alone, has more situational power than the one, who wishes to stop him or to be and to do something together.  

In a relationship, one partner has situational power, when
  • he loves less.
  • he cares less.
  • he needs the other less.
  • he wishes less to be together.
  • he wishes less to share.
  • he feels less a bond.
  • he is physically stronger.
  • he has exclusive access to resources and information.
A person uses situational power in a relationship, when
  • he has no basic values, how to treat a partner.
  • he has no conscience restraining him.

In nearly all relationships, there is some imbalance in the total situational power, which makes automatically one partner more vulnerable than the other.      
The possession of situational power allows one partner to dominate directly by enforcing the priority of his own needs and indirectly by using the threat of his situational power to extort his selfish needs.   

The one, who spends the couple's money, has the situational power to do so.  The other cannot stop him.
The one, who wants to leave, has the situational power to do so, the other has no equal power to hold him back.

A decent man in a bonded committed relationship never uses any situational power, that he has.   Instead he always communicates, in the examples to reach consent about how to spend money and when to be together and when to be apart.

A jerk does, what he wants.  He takes it for granted and he feels entitled to use all situational power, that he has.    He spends the money on himself.    He uses the threat to dump the woman as his method of extortion of his selfish needs.   If that does not work well enough, he does dump her and then offers her to take her back under the condition of her serving his selfish needs thereafter without any hesitation or resistance.