I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Monday, January 17, 2011

211. Domination and the Availability of Mates

Domination and the Availability of Mates

Entries 196 and 197 were about the detrimental effect of male dominance upon women. 

Some men have the wish to dominate a woman, some feel entitled to dominate.   Some do not even know, how much they dominate, because they take it for granted, that dominance is the only possible basis of interaction with women.   
Some men dominate, because it is a symptom of a psychological disorder like narcissism.   
Dominance by men could be innate as a part of the hierarchy instinct turned against women, it could be acquired by education and facilitated by their physical ability for coercion or it could be both combined.   

But there cannot be any doubt about this:   Dominance and emotional intelligence are mutually exclusive for the bonding of a devoted monogamous couple.    A man with emotional intelligence does not dominate a woman, but chooses a woman, whom he considers and treats as an equal.    A dominating man lacks emotional intelligence.  

Emotional intelligence is obviously a result of the evolution of the specific human brain, just like rationality.  Both are probably correlated in some way.    Therefore I speculate, that just as breeding or not depends on the relative strength of the procreation instinct compared with the strength of rationality, domination or equality depends on the relative strength of the hierarchy instinct compared with the strength of emotional intelligence.  

In our western society, men are restricted by law in how much they can dominate a woman.    Psychopaths can be emotionally cruel in their domination, because they have no conscience.  Western men, who have the flaw of wanting to dominate, are usually not wishing to tame a shrew, they want the illusion to be good persons.  They do not only want to dominate, but they want their domination also to be accepted. The easiest way for them is finding a woman, who is submissive by being and feeling inferior in some aspect.  

Therefore men with high instinctivity often choose women, with whose body they get infatuated, and who are noticeably inferior by education, status, financial power, and therefore submissive.    Doctors marry nurses, engineers their secretaries, shop manager the cashiers.   They experience it as a very comfortable arrangement.  Such men do not even need to install the women into their inferior role, those women are already used to obedience at work and they continue at home.  

Many western women take their right of equality for granted and refuse to enter relationships of domination.    Also there are lots of men, who cannot offer enough benefits to buy any western woman's acquiescence to be dominated.   Such men get either rejected by western women or the relationships fail, because of their resistance to attempts of domination, which these men are unable to give up.   
This has started the globalization of male dominance.   Just as rich countries as entities dominate poor countries, men from the rich countries dominate women from the poor countries.   
They import women from Asian and eastern European country.  They make a deal with these women, whom they can offer a considerable elevation of their material standard of living.   In return, these men expect docility and submission as gratitude, as paying the price for the deal.   In some of these poor countries, women have been dominated traditionally by the local men, so for them, they just choose between the yoke in poverty and the yoke in affluence.   

As a result, there is a disequilibrium in the availability of mates.   On the low end, all the stupid, uneducated and in some other way undesirable men are left without a mate.  On the high end the educated and intelligent women cannot find a mate, who is adequate, an equal and has emotional intelligence.   
The high-end women are just lonely, but the low end men can become a real nuisance.