I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

228. Immaturity, Submission, Domination - 2

Immaturity, Submission, Domination - 2

After having explained the Taken-In-Hand approach in entry 226 by evolutionary biology, I found another web page, where people tell their life experiences.    There were one group of more than 40 men and by women, telling their own experiences of actually attempting to establish such a relationship.  

On the takeninhand website, the concept was presented by its adherents as if they were all subjectively in healthy relationships, even though they had established a hierarchy.    What I read on the experiences site, was very different.

Some of the stories sounded to me so extreme, that at first it was hard to rule out the idea of reading a parody of something too weird to be true.    But it is a site of authentic stuff, and there was not one, but too many different persons to be all fakes.    So it was like reading authentic case studies from a book about mental disorders.  
The writers are beyond doubt extremely immature.    The women appear like prepuberty girls under the rule of stern parents, daunted and with completely shattered self-esteem and self-worth.   The men appear like puberty boys.   As a reaction to their unpleasant feelings under the rule and control of their own parents, they have finally found a guinea pig to enjoy the role of being the powerful parent.   Considering the women as having a child's immature mind in a grown up body, the men could even be considered as a kind of a pedophiles without breaking the law.      

All this is far from any strategy to optimize breeding, as I had assumed in entry 226.   It seems to be a case of two complementary disorders.   The woman wants to remain an eternal child without learning to take responsibility, the man wants to enjoy power and control. 
These couples could even be a narcissist with a co-narcissist.    But they are not a disordered narcissist and a healthy person adapting to it like in co-dependency.   Here the co-narcissist is as much disordered as the narcissist, but in a complementary way.   The narcissist's abuse does not damage or jeopardize her previously intact mental health, instead it gives her relief from whatever are her own psychological troubles.