I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

202. Women, Men and Money

Women, Men and Money
I read someone's painful ranting and venting about his experience with a gold digging woman.   His infatuation had been strong enough to spend huge amounts of money on her while he hoped for marriage.    But she dumped him after some month.   

According to his subjective account, that woman was certainly selfish and shallow, and by my own interpretation, even possibly a psychopath.   

But I started to wonder, why on earth would a man consciously choose such a woman and why would he so willingly buy her attentions?

Subconsciously and unknowingly, it is obviously his genetic program determining by instinct his behavior like it does with all potential breeders.    His infatuation with her body indicates to him, that his genes approve of her genes, that she appears fit to have healthy offspring as the bearers of his genes.   By spending money on her, he attempts to give evidence, that he can provide for her and her offspring.  

There remains the interesting question, what psychological reasons could motivate such a man to submit so readily and so much to his genetic program, without consciously getting into a painful state of cognitive dissonance between his instinctive urges and his rational judgement of what is wise or foolish.  

Here are my speculation for some possible reasons.  They are not mutually exclusive, it could also be a combination of them:

1.   He could be naive, immature and brainwashed and believe, that all women are only available for those men, who buy their attention with money.   He perceives the market for any woman as an auction:  Who offers the most, gets her.  
2.   He could use his money to compensate for really or assumingly not having to offer anything else or not enough else of immaterial value.
2.1. She could be in some aspect superior, and he knows, that he is no match for her.  But he values his money so much, that he believes it to suffice as a compensation.
2.2. His judgement could be blurred by the halo effect:   Being infatuated with her looks, he overestimates her invisible qualities so much, that he perceives himself as inferior, but believes that he can compensate for it with money.       
2.3.   He could have low self esteem and underestimate his own qualities and believe, that he has only his money to compensate for his assumed own inferiority.
3.   He could be selfish himself, wanting to get as much as he can for as little a price as possible.   For him, paying money subjectively costs him less than making any immaterial sacrifices of any kind, like communicating profoundly, learning how to treat her, changing his own behavior to please her.  
3.1.  He could have enough easily acquired money, so that he subjectively parts easier from his money than he sacrifices his psychological comfort in favor of her immaterial wellbeing.
3.2.  He could not value and appreciate women, not considering them as deserving anything more valuable than his money as would be for personal sacrifices.  

Being aware of all those scenarios, I would be suspicious of any man, if he were too eager to spend money on me.    

If a man asks himself and me the question, what he can do to enhance my emotional and immaterial wellbeing and how he can avoid hurting me, then this question is the most valuable gift, that a man can make me.  It has more value than any material gifts, even if they would cost thousands.   
But If this question does not even occur to a man, then he can keep all his gifts and himself away from me.