I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

213. Domination or Commitment Governance - 1

Domination or Commitment Governance - 1

I have been writing a lot about dominance.   But not all acting on behalf of another person is domination, so I better define the meaning of domination:

1.  The dominator is ignorant of the needs and wishes of the dominee. 
1.1.  His ignorance is a consequence of selfishness, indifference, disregard and lack of consideration.
1.2.  His ignorance is a consequence of disrespect and depreciation.   He firmly believes in his assumptions, prejudices and projections and he cannot be corrected.
2.  The dominee is under the power of the dominator and has no influence on how she is treated.
2.1.  The dominator coerces, threatens and intimidates the dominee to get his will against her resistance.    The dominator uses situational power (entry 212), whenever he has it.
2.2.  The dominee has no choice but to submit without resistance, because she is aware, that otherwise the dominator will inflict some disaster upon her.

For a couple of egalitarians their consent about their shared commitment governance (entry 185) is a method to prevent domination.  
1.  In commitment governance, each partner knows exactly the needs and wishes of the partner.   Both partners communicate, until they both have that knowledge.
2.  Whatever one partner does on behalf of the couple, he first checks, if his action or decision is in accordance with the partner's needs and wishes and in the very least is in no way harmful. 
3.  They both feel bound by the commitment governance and never use situational or other power.   

One partner takes all the initiatives to suggest and organize Sunday activities.  
This is inside the framework of commitment governance, when and if the other partner is content and agrees with the arrangements and would have chosen similar activities.  It can be a form of the division of labor between people with different skills and interests.   
But it is domination, when and if only one partner decides, what he wants to do on Sundays and coerces the other to participate in activities, that she does not like.