I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

227. Immaturity, Submission, Domination - 1

Immaturity, Submission, Domination - 1

When I started to consider the possibility of women's submission instinct in the entries 225 and 226, I wrote about it with some hesitation.    Because I do not want to appear as if I accept it as an excuse for men's dominance.      
The fact, that some women are tragically afflicted with a submission instinct does not justify any man to dominate any woman.    Domination is abomination, no matter if the victims are distorted enough not to object, and even if some have the instinct to not suffer under non-violent domination.  There are the egalitarian women, who do suffer.    A female submission instinct is never a valid excuse or justification for male dominance.      

Only the consciously egalitarian men are able to avoid dominating.    Consciously egalitarian means to have a value system, maturity and emotional intelligence to consider dominance as ethically wrong.   A consciously egalitarian man can either be free of the dominance instinct, or as far as such a man feels any instinctive inclination to dominate, he uses self-control over it.   

Reading about the Taken-In-Hand concept made me aware of a specially dangerous trap for an egalitarian woman, who is intelligent, educated and an independent thinker and who would probably notice the red flags of any non-egalitarian man, who is in search of a submissive woman.   Such a man would also recoil himself from any woman, who declares herself as egalitarian and who refuses to be dominated.   
But those jerks, who do not select outwardly submissive women, but attempt to coerce women to surrender into submission are usually also very immature.   Due to their lack of maturity, they are unable to discriminate between those women, who are consciously either submissive or accepting the Taken-In-Hand concept, and those, who are egalitarian and allergic to domination.    The same immaturity, that prevents them the insight of the wrong of domination, also prevents them from being able to distinguish, on whom their domination causes the worst emotional damage.   

An egalitarian woman can easily become the target of a man, who perceives her as a challenge to gain control and get into charge.   He could even sincerely mistake her as consenting to establish a Taken-In-Hand relationship.   As long as she is ignorant of his goal of domination, she resists for the purpose of establishing equality.    She resists giving him the benefit of the doubt, that he needs to be made aware of how his behavior hurts her.   
This leads to a power struggle.    She fights to protect herself, because she is emotionally allergic to being humiliated by domination.    But he misinterprets this as a challenge to make his ultimate victory more difficult.    For him it is a game, allegedly with implicit consent, but for the woman it is agony.   
The man enhances the fierceness of the struggle, until the woman's resistance is finally broken.    But that is the end of his delusion.  He has not established a Taken-In-Hand relationship, instead he has used up the woman's energies, mental and emotional resources, until she is depleted and devastated.    When depletion forces her to give up her resistance as a futile attempt to establish equality, she has only one option left to protect her against being dominated, and that is removing her from the power of the dominator.    Instead of gaining dominance, the immature jerk looses the relationship.